Ideas for building your self-esteem

By Bhuwan Sharma

Some ideas for building your self-esteem

  1. You are valuable and you matter, start looking at yourself as such. If you are regularly telling yourself that you don’t matter, or you are not worthy or if you treat yourself with impatience, you are sending very limiting and negative messages to yourself. If some one told you that you did not matter or perceived you as unworthy, how would that make you feel? If you feel bad listening to these things from others, would you not feel the same hearing it from yourself?It is very important to mention to yourself things that will make empower you or make you feel that you are valuable, that you matter, and you are worthy. So, how do you see yourself achieving this? Will you pay more attention to your self talk? Will you start showing love and care to yourself? Are you going to tell yourself, it’s all right, you can do better next time, if things don’t go according to plan? How will you now feel if these strategies work? It is very important for you to think of what evidences will tell you if these works. What would be the signs that tell you that you are getting some solid results?
  1. Allocate specific time for yourself to inspect and reflect on your emotions.
  • What are you feeling right now? How do you feel today? What changes did you notice today in your physiology or your emotional state today? When you were experiencing changes, examine what did you see, hear or feel exactly?
  • What are some of the things you can do for yourself?
  • What do you see as an important thing for you to do today?
  • What will you achieve today? What are the evidences you can see to confirm this achievement? What will you see, hear or feel as evidences for your achievements? Sensory profile like this helps us really appreciate and enjoy our achievements and this plays an effective role in building our self-esteem.
  1. We would recommend that you keep the above answers in mind through out the day. If you see yourself distracted, do something about it. Some of us struggle to look after ourselves in this way. When you feel you are struggling, ask yourself what is stopping you. Get concrete answers on what your strategies are that distract you from your desired outcomes or fulfilling your promises. Scrutinize how you actually stop yourself from getting the things you wanted? Listen very carefully to all the information you get, as you can clearly see, these will help you identify how you obstruct building your self-esteem.
    It is equally and extremely important to keep in mind that, every time you see yourself achieving something, make sure you show support by appreciating your effort. You should practice this, regardless of how small or big your achievement may seem to you. If you see yourself as an introvert, and you have just had wonderful conversations with a bunch of people at a party, acknowledge it. If you managed to get to your goal of not using the internet at least 2 hours before your bed time, feel free to give yourself a nice congratulatory self talk.
    Often, we will see things go wrong or at least not according to what we feel is the plan and this is the time to use your self-talk positively. Tell yourself about the last time something went right. What went right today, or even yesterday? One of the biggest enemy of self-esteem appears to be our belief that our identity and behaviors are the same. If you feel that you behave rudely with your friends that does not say that you are a rude person. You should view your rudeness as a behavior that can clearly be amended given that you put necessary effort into it.

“It is equally and extremely important to keep in mind that, every time you see yourself achieving something, make sure you show support by appreciating your effort.”

  1. End your day with some personal moment. You may feel like going for a short walk, or maybe you see reading a book in silence as your thing or just maybe sit in silence for 5 or ten minutes. This is when you can do a little bit of self-reflection as well:
  • What did you do today, that makes you proud? What specifically, about it that makes you proud? Remember it in full details or view it on your mental movie. Pay attention to details like, did someone say something to you, what were you wearing and what kind of feelings is being generated within you?
  • Maybe someone paid you compliment. Tell yourself about the compliment again and again. Replay the event and notice how you actually deserved it.

You can also focus on what you want to achieve tomorrow. Visualize it on your mental movie.